Two days ago it was mania. Free, happy, well paced thoughts of mania. Yesterday, it all took a sharp left to what I call the backside of mania. Feverish, chilled, pulsing blood, frantic thoughts at lightening speed, haunting faces behind my closed eyes, all making it impossible for me to sleep.
I can almost feel the dark circles forming under my eyes, for today my mind and body are stretched thin. My eyes and mind hang heavy, trying to find rest. If I lay down the thoughts and visions attack me and all I can do is be still and calm, knowing this too shall pass. Time with hubby has help ease my tormented body and mind. A quiet night with him and a movie will give my soul a rest.
I depend on manias when I'm in the depths of depression and when that heavy ton of bricks is finally lifted off my back. I depend on it because in that mix is time of balance that I can hold on to. Usually my depressions and manias are well balance with about the same amount of time for each. Even though there are still spikes and drops within each, this spike and drop was more drastic than those. A full day of mania, only to crash to ugly side the next day was more than my mind and body could handle. I feel rather fragile, but I comfort in my faith. So, today and maybe even tomorrow will be days of rest. A quiet time to heal.