Thursday, July 1, 2010
Feelings, nothing more than feelings...
I felt today. I actually felt all kinds of things today. I felt alive again. It was great. My husband was home for part of the day, that was great. I usually feel great when he is around. As the time drew near for him to leave for work, my anxiety started to build. Once he left, I couldn't sit still, I had to move or all the good feelings were going to leach out of my body. So it was playtime with the dogs. Anything to keep moving and not fall off the platform into nothing again. I wasn't happy-go-lucky, but I was feeling something. When it was time to walk my dog Fiona, then I really felt something. Walking at 50 mph, on top of the neighbors dog charging us AGAIN, I finally screamed until someone came out, the dog's barking face was about one foot away from my dog's face, and then I finally said something after THREE years of this BS. They seem to think there is no problem. Their dog hates all my dogs and ALWAYS charges them. Boy, was I feeling that. Not only from the anger, frustration and ignorance of people, but that dog chargine me AGAIN had me shaking so bad, I was scared shitless. When it is out and sees us, it literally tears straight for us and not to say "hi". As I shook for the rest of the walk, I called my husband and laid out all my anger of this ridiculous situation and began to lay a plan for resolution. I should not have to walk in fear down that road because a dog is charging me all the way to the road. Fucking ridiculous. When I got back I took my dog Zappa the same route, she kept the dog in. I know they seem to think it's hilarious, telling me the dog won't do anything. Bullshit! The dog is after my dog and is trying invoke a fight. I'm trying to keep them from fighting. The dog was lucky today, Fiona didn't react at all, but a couple of mine dogs will. Can you blame them? They are being charge at and threatened. I want to fight the dog.
So, now as it has been a few hours since the incident, I'm exhausted from my adrenaline rush of fear and anger. I feel rather depleted, but not empty. So I guess that is a good thing. I'm pretty proud of myself for finally saying something to the neighbor. It's obvious they don't plan on fixing the problem because they don't believe there is one. I'm might have scared her a bit though, since I never said anything before. Maybe they will think twice, but I doubt it.
So for tonight I've said my peace. It was still a good day overall. My body and brain were awake and functioning and feeling. Which is more than I can say for the last few days and I enjoyed it. Every bit of it.
To read more about the dog neighbor issue, check out our new dog blog: 24 Paws of Love. (link at top of page)