Wednesday, January 19, 2011
As I float in my sea of sadness, I feel the temperature begin the rise. The hot molten lava begins to ooze out my gut. ANGER. It floods me in it's pool and begins to consume me. Volcanic explosion fired around me. The source of my poison. It spews everywhere except for the one who caused it. I flail my fist all around me, but never in that one spot.
Fuel burning. I want to douse it. But even more I want to fuel it more. My anger only burns me. Cycling around and around. Like a hot rock sitting my stomach that is always there no matter if I am constructive or destructive. I know how to be angry. What I don't know is how to channel that rage into something positive. Mainly because it is mine and want it and I own it and I have a right to it. It is the fuel that has kept me alive. Why would I give that up? What would I do if I did? How would I survive without it?
Talking and walking cured it for today. I'm tired of sneaking around the inevitable with myself. I had to be open and honest about how I feel. I don't want it to get the better of me. I learnt a valuable lesson when my depression had me by the throat. TALK.