Friday, May 13, 2011

The Future Mirror

Standing on the edge of the fields, I dig a little further as my shovel finally taps on that buried treasure.  This has got to be it!  I exclaim to myself.  I continue to unearth the lost familiar object as I realize it is just what I’ve been looking for.  The object holds another truth in a series of lies.  Maybe this is the one that will get me into the future.  I run like a child through the field.  Excited at the prosperity and hope that this treasure may hold as I run with glee towards the future.

BAM!!  I fall to the ground stunned.  Tears begin to swell as I turn to look at the huge mirror that I've run into again that stops my progression into the future.  Always reflecting back to the past, with no way through or around.  I am trapped.  I hang my head defeated with no strength to carry through again.  I see my reflection along with my entire past and all the miles I have come through.  It is daunting.  It is crushing.

The mirror is too thick, wide and high to destroy.  Every time I find another truth among the landscape of my past, I hope it is to be the last.  My time has always been limited.  I have never had a future, except finding these gifts of honesty, but I have never been able to get through this wall of reflection.

I stare at the haunted girl.  The only place where present and past meet and offer my gift anyhow like a sacrifice to the gods.  A healing takes place of imminent proportions and for a moment there is peace, and I smile at the girl.  Look how far you have come.  Then knowing the routine all too well, the hope is forgotten as I begin to walk back into the fields to dig once more.

The walk is painful and full of sorrow, the only hope now is finding the secret that may end this long journey.  While I have notice that the walks are getting shorter and I can almost see the future staring back at me, it is of little encouragement as my shovel hit’s the dirt.  My toil carries on, searching in the far recesses of my mind for an idea that has never existed.   


Natalie said...

Midnight - Oh my god!! This is an amazing post. Your mirror metaphor is so spot on, and as always, your writing is exquisite. I so feel you on this front. And I have to say, while it's easier to say this to others than it is to remember it myself when I'm standing there walking back to my own field, I *know* you will find the secret that ends this long journey. But it is not one secret, it is the series you have been diligently assembling, piece by piece. All of your work is responsible for where you are right now, and is the reason the walks are getting shorter each time.

I am honored to witness what you share of that little girl's amazing healing process - and I'm right here cheering you on every step of the way!

(Fingers crossed that Blogger doesn't eat this - I've been comment-shy the last few days since the meltdown.) :)

midnight rainbow said...

Natalie, thank you. I really don't know what else to say. I am still in awe of the vision that created this post.

I am so honored that you are part of my journey as well. I am a bit speechless at the moment, but wanted to thank you for being there. It means a lot to me.