Tuesday, October 11, 2011

This moment

For three weeks my life suddenly came all together.  I took full advantage of this hypo manic state.  And when I left a friend's house feeling more empty than I was when I got there, I knew it was coming.  I'd been waiting for it, here was the opening, and I took it.  And I rode that long, sad depression like I was surfing it.  And I didn't care.  If I was going down, I was going all the way.  And I did, I took it as far as I could and then I got on with my life again. 

Well, I'm there again.  I am there in the depths of sorrow and pain and I don't even know where it is coming from.  And I am grabbing it like a lifeline and sliding down pole.  I don't have the energy to fight or change, I am just accepting it.  Same as I did the good feelings and energy.  And if I want to cry for the tragedy in my life and belt out my pain, then more power to me.  It's being able to let go and let it be what it is.  And when I acknowledge that pain, it will wear itself out as well.  Because life isn't about being all the time happy and positive.  That's not reality.  People hurt.  Life hurts.  I am hurting.  And I am giving myself the permission to hurt and that helps it not last forever.  That's where I am at, at this moment in time until the next one comes along and I will be somewhere else. 

And for some reason I just had to say that. 

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