I just haven't been here. I've written post, I can't bring myself to publish. My brain keeps fumbling around like a dryer drum with all my thoughts, feelings and words bumping around in it. I can't seem to get past the fact of not being able to do the things I used to do. Things I never thought twice about now hinder me. Except on the flip side, things I never thought I'd be able to do, I am doing. Right now it is hard to see how far I have come. The changes I have made. The leaps and bounds are difficult to see when I feel so paralyzed. Today was a struggle day. Seeing failures blowing up like a balloon in my face.
I am surviving the medication withdrawal from reducing my dosage in half. And it plays with every part of my head and body. I feel like I am in a constant state of understanding and not knowing what is going on. And I go from feeling like everything is mishmash to still having a clear view. 6 months in and the withdrawal symptoms are becoming more apparent. I feel alone and together at the same time. And for some reason I felt the need to be here. I keep feeling like I need to "do" something. And as much as I feel like I don't know where I am going, I have direction. If that makes any sense. And maybe that is the key to everything, I am here. I am just here.