Tuesday, November 1, 2011

It's just ...everything

I can't begin the pinpoint when everything seem to unravel in my little world.  It was this and then that and then it began to snowball and take on a life of it's own.  And I was bowled over with no way of stopping it.  Many things that were out of my control and really have nothing to do with my tiny little bubble have cause a domino effect exploding inside of me.  Taking over my brain and body as I have been suddenly flooded with emotions that won't stop. 

For months I felt little as my analytical mind took over.  I was caught up in theories and behaviors, while being happy and anxious.  I struggled with what I was feeling, because I wasn't on an emotional roller coaster to guide me.  For the most part, I was doing OK with it, other times when trying to express a feeling, I had nothing.  Like they were all pack away in box way up on the shelf that I could never seem to find.  I'd like to know who took that fucking box down and spilled everything all over the floor.  Like a million pieces of paper stuck in syrup I can't seem to pick up my feelings.  And for some reason I can't figure out what is happening to me.  The more I try to fight it, the more I become stuck as well.  And my brain can not comprehend.  I am losing the fight as I crumble in the syrup/paper mess, not knowing how I will get out of this.  Not even sure if I care.  But hoping that surrender is the answer. 

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