I can't begin the pinpoint when everything seem to unravel in my little world. It was this and then that and then it began to snowball and take on a life of it's own. And I was bowled over with no way of stopping it. Many things that were out of my control and really have nothing to do with my tiny little bubble have cause a domino effect exploding inside of me. Taking over my brain and body as I have been suddenly flooded with emotions that won't stop.
For months I felt little as my analytical mind took over. I was caught up in theories and behaviors, while being happy and anxious. I struggled with what I was feeling, because I wasn't on an emotional roller coaster to guide me. For the most part, I was doing OK with it, other times when trying to express a feeling, I had nothing. Like they were all pack away in box way up on the shelf that I could never seem to find. I'd like to know who took that fucking box down and spilled everything all over the floor. Like a million pieces of paper stuck in syrup I can't seem to pick up my feelings. And for some reason I can't figure out what is happening to me. The more I try to fight it, the more I become stuck as well. And my brain can not comprehend. I am losing the fight as I crumble in the syrup/paper mess, not knowing how I will get out of this. Not even sure if I care. But hoping that surrender is the answer.