I'm just going to see what spits out.
The last two Christmas were hell for me. Both times on the brink of suicide. I was also irate at what Christmas has turned into and was ready to lose my mind over everything. I'm OK this Christmas. It is really no big deal.
My anniversary for the first time in the hospital is this week.
I've been taking my meds twelve hours apart now for over six months. Could never do it before. I was grateful for a long time just to take them at all. I think it has help tremendously with balancing me out.
I'm stable but get so lost in my foggy head and have trouble getting out.
Still depressed most of the time, but a low, sad feeling. Though I go through periods throughout the day when the fog comes and I can't find my way out. When I keep busy before that happens, I usually do really good.
More than a high or low, everything feels like a push and pull. Stretching like a rubber band. Like I can only take so much love and then I've got to get away from it, but at least I never let go of it.
I don't know how to repeat a good day as my thoughts and mood are rapidly changing. I don't know how I did it the day before or what was different or worked. That's when the fog rolls in.
But I keep pushing and pulling a little closer each time. Someday I hope I understand better.