Keep reading until the end

I have nothing stewing or that I need to get down on paper, I'm just going to write whatever pops out.

Christmas went good.  Short of some nightmares and a little less sleep, it came and went without much fuss.  I actually enjoyed the day and the time leading up to it.  No tree, no decorations except for Christmas lights. (Which I love.)  Pleasant and simple.

The New Year really never means very much to me, it's just another day really.  I go through enough drastic changes through my days, that just because we made it around the sun one more time, I'm not going to upheaval my life over it. LOL!  But I did realize this past week it was the first time I didn't fall down the mountain into the pit of depression like I usually do.  It's all staying balanced and a little smoother, which I am really enjoying.  So if I want to change something, like step up my exercising, I've been able to do it without trying to pull myself out of the gutter first.  I'm a winter person, I like the snow and cold but it's been a few years since I really enjoyed winter. And believe me when the overcast skies linger for days and days in a bland light grey, that matches the snow it can be tough to stay giddy when the whole world around is grey.  I don't know how many times I've almost slept my whole day away because that ash grey feeling.  But I haven't been.  And I have to kick myself in the but to go out and play with the dogs, but they also help with a lot of encouragement.  :)

I've been trying cross country skiing for the first time.  Never been on skis in my life and now at 40 something I'm giving it a shot.  LOL!  It definitely takes some getting use to, but I'm starting to get a feel for it.

I also sled a few of my dogs for fun and after last year, I was afraid I was going to have to give it up when my power horse of a dog decided he didn't want to do it anymore.  I thought it was all over.  Not because of him, but because I thought I had failed.  AGAIN.  Old tapes started playing:   your stupid, your worthless, you don't know what you are doing.  And after buying into it for a while I turned to my husband.  And he said, they are old tapes.  And I agreed.  NOW there's a step!!  Usually I would blow off what hubby said and keep believing.  It really hit me, I had the power and choice whether I wanted to listen or not.  My biggest problem has been not knowing if the tapes and the words were real or not.  That's where hubby comes in.  It was pretty cool because if I didn't switch off them tapes and quit believing them, I would have missed the best dog sled ride I've taken in a couple of years with two other dogs who had the time of their lives and proved my tapes completely wrong .  And that was worth it.  It was more than worth it.  It was like the greatest reward for choosing not to believe those old tapes and make the choice to break free from them.  That was pretty awesome!!  Yay for me!!  I don't want to play with the negative side of the universe anymore.  I'm done with self destruction.  And that is some true growth for me.  And I'm am loving it!!